Offended Yet?

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Today I would like to continue in yesterday’s vein, paying homage to the memory of the bellicose brilliance that was Christopher Hitchens. One of Hitchens’ dear friends was the equally impressive personality of Stephen Fry, who is thankfully still with us.

Both these characters have persistently sought out conflicts and waded in, unafraid of repercussions. They have been slandered, demonized and made suspect by their opposition, which they have – to their credit – responded to with mirth.

Some people will say: “That offends me!”

Are you offended or do you just find the material inappropriate? Honestly?

When Hitchens was accused of being a drunk – and rightly so! – who had no business sticking his nose in the public debate, he responded that many writers did their best work drunk out of their skulls.

Quit being so offended. Not one of us will get out of this alive. In the long run, all of us are food for worms.

I want all of you to imagine I have drawn a picture of something you find incredibly offensive. I’m not very artistic, so it’s a bad drawing. Maybe it’s a picture of Kermit the frog being raped by Oderus Urungus of GWAR. What do I know about your sensibilities? Just assume that I just put my finishing touches on this piece of filth.

Silently curse me, leave the computer and do something meaningful with today. Feed the ducks. Play with your kids. Visit a museum.

Just don’t think your offense entitles you to anything. We could share a pint at some point, when we could hash out our differences. But getting your knickers in a twist over a perceived slight makes you an object of comedy for me.

Go on: try to enjoy today without getting bent out of shape about something that you find enervating. To me, it’s the Westboro Baptist Church. Or people who offer to cure cancer by prayer in exchange for payment. I loathe them, but I move on with my life.

And so should you.

Now fuck off outside, it’s a beautiful day and you’re missing it.

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